As a therapist, you’d think I had all the tools to balance life perfectly, right? I help people work through their deepest pain, guide them toward emotional healing, and show them how to live better. But here’s the hard truth—being a therapist doesn’t mean I’ve got it all figured out. And being a single mother of four kids, trying to juggle motherhood, a full-time job, a private practice, and working toward a doctoral degree? Child, life was a mess!

I learned the hard way that you can’t do it all. At least, not without dropping something important along the way. I always prided myself on being a present mom. I was there for my boys—making dinner, helping with homework. I never missed a school event, a basketball game, or a football practice. If there was an opportunity to show up for my kids, I made it happen—no matter how exhausted I was or how packed my schedule got. I’d go straight from a long day at work to wherever they needed me, not thinking twice. Because that’s what good moms do, right? You show up, no matter what.

But showing up physically and being emotionally present are two very different things. I had to learn that lesson the hard way.

When Work Became A Mirror

Working in psych hospitals opens your eyes to a lot of things, but this eye-opener was unexpected. I was in a session with a teenage girl at the psych hospital, and she was venting about her relationship” with her mom. She said, “My mom comes to all my games, but it’s like she’s not really there. She’s always on her phone or thinking about something else. I mean, she’s in the stands, clapping and stuff, but I can tell her mind is somewhere else. She never really sees me.”

Whew. Her words hit me like a truck. I tried to stay focused on her needs as her therapist, but inside, I felt like she was holding up a mirror to my own life. That girl could’ve been one of my own kids talking about me. I thought back to all the times I showed up for my boys—sitting in the bleachers, clapping, taking photos. I was there at every game and school event, but was I really there?

The truth? I wasn’t. I was doing the same thing her mom was doing—physically present but emotionally checked out.

After that session, I couldn’t shake the guilt. How could I guide someone toward emotional healing when I wasn’t even showing up the way my own kids needed me to? I started paying more attention to how I was “showing up” for my boys. They’d tell me stories about their day, and I’d nod along, half-listening, while mentally juggling work, school, and life. I realized I had been giving them the bare minimum of my attention, and that hit me like a ton of bricks.

It’s one of the hardest things as a mom—to realize you’re failing your kids in ways that truly matter. And as a therapist, it felt even worse because I should’ve known better, right? I spend my days teaching people how to be present, how to connect, how to prioritize what really matters. But when it came to my own life, I was struggling. I was in survival mode, trying to keep everything together without realizing that the ones that needed me the most—my family—was slipping away.

The Superwoman Trap: Trying to Do It All

Let’s talk about Superwoman Syndrome for a minute. If you haven’t heard of it, trust me—you’ve probably lived it. Superwoman Syndrome is that toxic mindset—especially for single moms—where we feel like we’ve got to do everything. Be the perfect mom, hold down the career, keep the house spotless, cook dinner every night, help with homework, and maybe even get a degree on the side. And we’ve got to do it all without asking for help, because asking for help means we’ve failed, right?

For years, I convinced myself I was doing the damn thing. I thought that as long as I was doing it all—working, studying, showing up for my boys—I was winning. I thought I had to be Superwoman, showing my kids that I could handle anything. But the truth was, I was stretching myself so thin that I wasn’t giving them what they really needed—my emotional presence.

Superwoman Syndrome will have you thinking you’re crushing it, when really, you’re burning out. You’re so busy being “there” that you’ve got nothing left to give. And here’s the kicker—Superwoman Syndrome tells you that if you don’t do it all, you’re failing. So I kept pushing, convinced that showing up physically was enough. But I had been so consumed by my work, my studies, and keeping everything together that I didn’t realize I was failing in the one area that mattered most—being emotionally available for my boys. Not just in body, but in mind and spirit.

The Hardest Decision

Eventually, I had to face a brutal truth: I couldn’t do it all. I had to make a choice. I could keep pushing myself, holding onto the illusion of being Superwoman, or I could make a decision that would break my heart but benefit my boys in the long run.

After many sleepless nights and painful soul-searching, I made the hardest decision of my life—I let my boys go live with their dad in Franklin while I finished school.

The guilt was real. I felt like I was abandoning them, like I was choosing my career over my kids. But deep down, I knew that wasn’t true. I wasn’t walking away from them. I was giving them the stability and emotional presence they needed from their father while I worked on being the best version of myself for them. It wasn’t about being a failure. It was about understanding that sometimes, the strongest thing you can do is let go.

My boys needed a mom who could show up for them fully, not halfway. And at that moment, I couldn’t be that person without stepping back and recharging.

Letting go doesn’t mean I’m giving up on being their mama. It doesn’t mean I love them any less. It just means I’m putting their needs first. I had to swallow my pride, accept that I needed help, and trust that this was what was best for them—and me. By letting go for a while, I gave myself the space I needed to come back stronger, healthier, and more present in their lives.

It’s like they say, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” And chile, my cup was bone dry. I couldn’t keep giving them half of me, stretched thin between work and school. By stepping back, I’m doing what’s right for all of us.

Owning My Truth

So why am I sharing all of this? Because it’s time to own my truth, not just for me, but for every mom out there struggling with the same guilt and overwhelm. As a therapist, I spend my days encouraging others to face their truths and own their stories, no matter how hard it is. But how can I ask my clients to do that if I’m unwilling to do it myself?

I’ve been emotionally unavailable to my kids. That’s not easy to admit, but it’s necessary. And I know I’m not the only one. So many moms, especially single mothers, are out here trying to do it all—working, parenting, running households. We’re in survival mode, checking all the boxes but forgetting to slow down and be present in the ways that matter most.

If you’re reading this and you see yourself in my story, I want you to know—you’re not alone. We’re in this together.

Steps Toward Change

Now that I’ve shared my story, let’s talk about how we can all start doing better. It’s not about beating ourselves up for where we’ve fallen short—it’s about recognizing the areas where we need to grow and taking steps toward change. If you’ve been emotionally unavailable too, it’s never too late to make things right. Here’s how we can start showing up for our kids and ourselves in more meaningful ways:

Acknowledge Where You’ve Been Lacking
You can’t fix what you don’t face. I had to come to terms my truth. It wasn’t easy, but it was necessary. Take a moment to reflect and admit where you might have been slipping.

Create Space for Connection, Even in Small Moments
We don’t always have hours to spend, but even small moments can make a big difference. Put down your phone, really listen to your kids when they talk, and make those little moments count. It’s the quality, not the quantity, that leaves an impact.

Be Honest with Your Kids About Your Struggles
I sat down with my kids and had an honest conversation about why they were staying with their dad while I finish school. I explained that it wasn’t because I didn’t want to be with them, but because I needed to get to a place where I could show up for them fully while also providing them with the life they deserve. Being real with your kids can help build trust and connection.

Don’t Be Afraid to Lean on Your Support System
We all need help sometimes and asking for it doesn’t make you weak. Whether it’s family, friends, or therapy, reach out when you need support. It took a while, but I now realize that letting my kids stay with their dad wasn’t a sign of failure—it was a step toward giving them what they needed most.

Prioritize Your Own Emotional Well-Being
You can’t pour from an empty cup, sis. If you’re not taking care of yourself, you won’t be able to show up for your kids. Make time for yourself, even if it’s just a few minutes a day to recharge.

1. Acknowledge Where You’ve Been Lacking
   You can’t fix what you don’t face. I had to come to terms my truth. It wasn’t easy, but it was necessary. Take a moment to reflect and admit where you might have been slipping.
2. Create Space for Connection, Even in Small Moments
   We don’t always have hours to spend, but even small moments can make a big difference. Put down your phone, really listen to your kids when they talk, and make those little moments count. It’s the quality, not the quantity, that leaves an impact.
3. Be Honest with Your Kids About Your Struggles
   I sat down with my kids and had an honest conversation about why they were staying with their dad while I finish school. I explained that it wasn’t because I didn’t want to be with them, but because I needed to get to a place where I could show up for them fully while also providing them with the life they deserve. Being real with your kids can help build trust and connection.
4. Don’t Be Afraid to Lean on Your Support System
   We all need help sometimes, and asking for it doesn’t make you weak. Whether it’s family, friends, or therapy, reach out when you need support. It took a while, but I now realize that letting my kids stay with their dad wasn’t a sign of failure—it was a step toward giving them what they needed most.
5. Prioritize Your Own Emotional Well-Being
   You can’t pour from an empty cup, sis. If you’re not taking care of yourself, you won’t be able to show up for your kids. Make time for yourself, even if it’s just a few minutes a day to recharge.

Taking Off the Cape

This journey hasn’t been easy, and I’m still figuring it out day by day. But one thing is for sure—I’m committed to doing better, to being more emotionally present for my kids and for myself. I’m learning to be more patient with my own imperfections, and I’m embracing the fact that I don’t have to wear the “Superwoman” cape all the time. As mothers, especially as Black mothers, we carry so much weight. Society expects us to be unbreakable, to juggle everything without dropping a ball. But the truth is, we’re human, and we need to give ourselves permission to rest, to reflect, and to recharge.

What’s Next

This journey is far from over, and the guilt still follows me sometimes. I miss the sound of their laughter in the house, the chaos of our daily routines. But I keep reminding myself: this is temporary. I’m doing this for them. And when I walk across that stage with my doctoral degree, I’ll be able to show my kids that sometimes, the hardest decisions lead to the biggest growth.

There are more tough days ahead, but I’m taking it day by day. I’m finding strength in the struggle and holding onto the belief that this season of sacrifice will pay off for me and my boys. One day, I’ll look back and see that this decision, as painful as it was, was the best thing I could’ve done for all of us.

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A Call to Other Moms

I know some of you are thinking, “I’ve been there, too.” Maybe you’re still trying to hold everything together, forgetting to take a moment for yourself. If that’s you, know that it’s okay—you’re not alone. We don’t have to be perfect or pretend we have it all figured out.

As I continue this journey, I want to invite you to join me in being real, in taking off the cape, and in prioritizing emotional presence over perfection. Let’s stop pretending we have it all together and start being honest about the struggles we face. Let’s give ourselves permission to not always have it together and support each other in showing up in the ways that matter most.

Our kids don’t need superheroes; they need us—authentic, vulnerable, present. They need to see that it’s okay to have bad days, to ask for help, and that being strong doesn’t mean doing it all alone. We’re in this together. So take a breath, let go of the cape for a while, and remember—being human is more than enough. We’ve got this.

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